9 months

I know, I know. I have really fallen off the wagon with posting updates. To be honest, I really haven't felt like saying much. It isn't that anything is wrong or that I am not happy. Things just haven't seemed right. My Granny passing away is still tough to deal with on a daily basis and the holidays just weren't the same. I carry so much guilt because I felt so "blah" this year and it was Lyla's first Christmas, but honestly this was the strangest holiday I have ever had. My Granny always made the holiday special and I just didn't feel right celebrating without her. In addition, Fabian worked a 24 hour shift on Chirstmas and so it felt very lonely not having him with us. I wasn't alone by any means. I was surrounded by my wonderful family, but sometimes you can still be lonely even though you are surrounded by a thousand people.

Anyway, moving on....... Well, a lot is going on with our sweet little Lyla! No, she isn't crawling yet. ARGH! However, she gets where she needs to by rolling around ;) She has also discovered that she no longer likes being on the floor. She wants to see the world from a standing position. In fact, she may skip crawling altogether. We have another tooth that just came in on top. So we are up to three! Her little gums were so red and swollen. I felt so sorry for her. They had blisters and were bleeding :(

She absolutely loves to feed herself, especially blueberries! I have to admit that she is a pretty clean eater. In the past few days she also learned to clap pretty well and wave. It is so adorable!

She had a great time at Christmas! She did great when we visited Santa! I was waiting for her to reach up and pull on his beard, but she was very smiley and behaved like a little lady. While she didn't quite grasp the concept of opening presents she did a little opening on her own. We now have toys everywhere and realized the one thing we forgot to get her is a toy box. Ha! I don't think I have ever seen her more tired than Christmas evening. She fell asleep in the car on the way home around 7, and she didn't wake up until 8am the next morning. Poor baby! All in all, she was trooper, just like always :)

A final tribute

Tuesday, December 2nd is the day I have dreaded since I can remember. Did I know it would be that day, no, but I knew the day would come. That day my precious, sweet, beloved Granny passed away at the age of 75. Her body was broken from years of putting everyone else ahead of herself, and ultimately her own health. Her fight for survival and recovery was a long and hard fought battle but she ultimately lost. Years of diabetes coupled with many other tragic ailments over shadowed her bright and beautiful mind. I know she was so tired and that she fought to stay alive. However, I am so grateful that the moment that our Savior decided to take her to heaven was a peaceful one, taking her ever so gently as she slept through a rare morning snow. But even in death her spirit still lives because I can still feel her with me almost like none of this ever happened. Maybe I am somewhat numb or even in denial because sometimes it doesn't even seem real or maybe its just a dream; I want to wake up.

What can I say about this woman that has been so instrumental in my life to do her justice. I have come to the conclusion that there just aren't any words to express her impact on my life. She has played so many roles in my life and to say that I will miss her will be the greatest understatement I have ever made. She was the most amazing person I have ever known and I know that I am truly blessed to have had her in my life. I have never known anyone as selfless, understanding, forgiving, nurturing, unconditionally loving, and genuine as she was. We had an indescribable bond and love for one another that I know was very rare and special. I am so grateful that she was here to meet Lyla. I only wish Lyla could have known her great-grandmother like I did.

As I sit here, my mind is overwhelmed by the many wonderful things I want to share about her, but the list is too great and I don't think there is enough time in my lifetime to share them all. All I can say is that she was truly a great lady. Her heart was tender, words so soft, sang like an angel, and cooked like the devil. The best way and only way I know how to honor her is to make sure that her legacy lives on through me. I have a responsibility to carry her memory on to my family, especially Lyla. I know that she is watching over me and my family and will be with me forever.

{Granny I love you so much and I am going to miss you with every breath I take. Thank you so much for touching my life.}